thats g for gaza not g for giraffe

Yes, thats turn of the century LA gangsta rap architect and charming host of MTV Arabia talent show Hip Hop Na, Fredwreck, congratulating infamous mover & shaker of dictator’s hands and Celebrity Big Brother firebrand Gorgeous George’s local election win on twitter.

This might seem an odd pairing to your average citizen but really, whats more GTA: San Andreas than two lads with excessive facial hair dreaming of “wading ashore, Kalashnikov in hand” and “a bitch that’ll shine my rims up and open my door”?

 Nate Dogg – I Need A Bitch (2002, single)

I’m really not Bol-itickin or anything but how amazing would a whole album of pro-Palestine screwface rap produced entirely be Fredwreck have been in 2005? If 99% of capital P “political” rappers since 1995 hadn’t learned their craft by attending beyond the brink KRS-One college lectures and reading Chuck D books instead of just watching old Ice Cube videos, that is. Unfortunatly Fred did that shit too and put the senile blastmaster on his woeful spanish guitar polluted attempt at recreating Whats Going On:

Even Pyramids P could’t save something that has Alchemist, Evidence and Everlast verses all stacked together.

** Update: Turns out Hi-Tek produced I Need A Bitch. I wonder what pre flip-flop principled killjoy Mos Def would’ve thought about that, not to mention Fredwreck lacing KRS.**

I might be showing my clueless european colours here but didn’t the bay used to be a bit obsessed with numbers? I think it was a way of combating the all-encompassing Northern Califoolya Yay Area community spirit, which could end up making your particular tiny Hamlet even more anonymous. I think a few rappers decided that if they name themselves after their area code/post code/longitude and lattitude, the one-horse minor break in the scrub they got their short trousers dusty in might gain some fame.

415 likely started all this faffing about and if what Richie Rich says here is right, even inspired long beach supercrew 213’s name. If thats true its also possible that the late, great 1/3 of that group responsible for the concentrated objectification above kept his ear to the ground, was up on all the 90s numerical mob music and was inspired by  11/5 – I Got Bitchez (1996, A1 Yola)

an even less equitable, even more suga’ free estimation of the fairer 50% of our species’ worth than anything the man with I Got Hoes and Aint No Fun in his catalogue ever made. Seriously though brih, read all the names in this line-up without taking your shoes off:

 Lucci Staxx ft. The Jacka & Fed-X – Its Nothin (2012, the internet)

If ever a rapper throws a female friend out a moving car or shoots someone over a dice game and needs better justification than “I’m not right, look at this colourful confectionery tattoo covering a good heft of my face”/they had to regulate, that rapper should study Jacka’s verse here.

Once they beat the case I hope they hire whoever made the beat (+ email me once they’ve found out how that Computer Love/”f-f-f-f-resh” scratch/stock alien creature chirp sfx(?) is made, as thanks for the excellent judicial advice) and try and make something half as inspirational as a song consisting of shit like:

“invisible roof, I got loot, had a miserable youth”

“flat screen make your temperature boil”

“boys shooting dice for the space toys, its christmas in the ghetto, chief – everybody eats”

along with possibly the first recorded usage of that epithet primarily known for coming out a few italian-americans mouths pre-1990 – “mooly” instead of the n-bomb as a term of endearment. That last ones way stranger than George & Fred imo and once again proves that as well as teaching the rest of America how to say “bitch” and make trunks rattle, no one does weird like the Bay.

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